Just my ramblings. . .











{December 24, 2006}   And you thought I was insane. . .

But we all know I’m not ;)

So tonight we had the ward’s Night in Bethlehem. We all dressed up, and the cultural hall really looked like the shoppes of Bethlehem. Each person received a baggie of gold coins, and food was abundant. It was gorgeous and so spiritual. We read the Christmas story aloud, and then a few sisters sang Christmas songs. I felt the spirit so strongly. I should’ve left quickly.

But I thought I’d help clean up while my husband changed the baby. That was my detriment.

Two fights break out– one YW smacks the other across the face and shoves her into the wall. Another sister is ready to kill the activities chair, because she believes that her non-member family left early due to offense from the activities chair.  This is the same woman who has borne her testimony proclaiming her indiscretions which are so egregarious that I hesitate to type them, as it would remove any sort of anonymity.

My husband helped calm down the woman, while I helped with the YW situation. I’m good at this. I can mediate teenage conflicts with the best of them. And then the mothers try to jump in. Why?? It’s so insane.

I’ll never understand why people can’t treat others the way they want to be treated. If we all did that, I really think peace would exist on the earth. That’s the reason these two fights started. One of the mother’s that wanted to jump in, is the same woman asking us to believe her incredulous story that is continually contradicted by the local newspaper and police blotters. Yet she’s trying to trash one of the YW.

I’ll never understand.



{December 20, 2006}   Hard to love life. . .

I know this blog must seem depressing as hell. It’s my life. It’s my outlet. If you want to read it, so be it, but it’s not written for the audience. It’s written because I need a place to let it all, lest it all stays bottled up inside.

So I just got back from visiting teaching. Had a good time. I love my companion; she’s great. The sisters we teach are sweet, and real people. None of them know my struggles. My companion knows of some of the RS struggles I’ve had. She’s the Stake RS President and I’m the ward RS President.

I’ve grown to love the calling and hate it immensely all at once. I used to be social. I used to love ward activities, where I could have fun with the other members. Now I dread them. The activities committee is weak at best, so everyone is literally picking up the slack at the last minute, and things are not well run. I don’t feel like I have any friends— no one who cares about me, as a person. They only care to come to me to complain about something for RS. People I thought were my friends, truly aren’t. It’s simply a business relationship.

I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what chemical I’m emitting, or what has changed, because it definitely wasn’t this way in NY. In fact, most of the time people couldn’t tell you for the life of them what my calling was. Normally it was so insignificant that it didn’t matter. But now that I’m RS President, it’s the spotlight. I feel more under the magnifying glass than ever.

And I don’t measure up. Truly I don’t care about that. I could care less what the Joneses are doing in their home. I could care less if my clothes measure up with Sister So-and-So’s. I could care less if my daughter has all 10 of the hottest toys of the season. None of that matters.

What matters is my relationship with my Savior, and how I am serving Him. I’ve been asked to serve in this calling, so I do. I’m going all out trying to make nice little Christmas things for 65 sisters. They won’t all get done before Christmas, but I’m trying. I’m trying to visit each sister in her home, and get to know her personally. I’m trying to let her feel the Lord’s love through me.

Yet I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I’ve never felt like there is anyone to comfort me. I have a fabulously wonderful husband, and a gorgeous child. I don’t know what else I am looking for. Even my sister has greatly disappointed me this week. It sucks, but it’s life. I guess I just thought that it should be better. Maybe if I lower my standards, maybe I’ll be happy. Someday.



{December 16, 2006}   Basic Math

So I wasn’t too good at math in school, but I can tell you this:

1 screaming child + 1 overtired Daddy + 1 tired, crampy Mommy = Migraine of epic proportions



et cetera
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