Lonely at the top

Life has handed us a whopping box of lemons. Hugest box I’ve had in a while. I don’t remember praying for patience or growth, but apparently that’s what the Lord felt I am in need of right now. We’re trying to make lemonade. I need alot of sugar with this one!

I’m at a place in my life where we’re really stretched paper-thin. I need some help with just very basic things–like getting myself to work right now. The gospel is all about helping others and acting in a Christ-like manner. Yet, I’ve called people and literally been turned down or told to call someone else. It’s heart-breaking because I’d give my right arm for some of the people that I’ve asked for a simple ride somewhere, and they have turned me away.

We had debated potentially moving out of this area, but we feel the need to stay. But what’s the incentive when I have no true friends, my family has turned their backs on me, and others are all business with me because I’m the RSP. I didn’t ask for this calling. I didn’t even ask to stay here.

Yet it happens so we deal.

On Meds. . .

Dear Ms. Pharmacist and Mr. Doctor-Smarty-Pants:

I realize you make your money off of repeated doctor’s visits and subsequent prescriptions. You say you are working in my best interests, yet I beg to differ. You gave me these pretty blue pills to take for the next 4 months. I’ve been on them for a few months now, and sure the scary thoughts are going away, but the side-effects suck.

Who wants to fall asleep at 7pm on a Friday night on a regular basis? Or 8:30 on weeknights?

Who wants to get carsick almost every time they set foot in a car, train, bus, airplane, roller coaster as a passenger?

Who wants to lack libido for months on end?

Some things just aren’t worth the consequences. But you say this pill will take away the bad thoughts– so we plug on. Can you get someone to upgrade this pill please?! And maybe get rid of a few of the side effects?

Thanks,

Post-Partum Mommy

I really am happy!

Dear Mother,

I am happy, really. I know you won’t believe it because I told you that I have PPD a while back. Now you forever think I am permenantly depressed. It’s so not the case. I love life. I love my family. I am genuinely happy.

I  have a beautiful daughter who makes me laugh almost constantly. I have a dear husband who loves me unconditionally. We have a great time together, whether it be reading the scriptures as a family or playing X-Box football. I have a knowledge and testimony of the true gospel of Jesus Christ. My calling has helped me to grow infinitely closer to Him, for which I am eternally grateful.

Sure, I’d love to be out of debt, or even working in a great full time job to pay down the debt quickly. Sure, I’d like to own my own home so I don’t have a crazy landlord telling me that I can’t foster or adopt kids as long as I live in her home. Sure, I’d love to have a mother who doesn’t call me up to talk about bowel movements, catheters, bed sores, or gaseous problems. Seriously.

Never will I sound happy on the phone as long as you are asking me stupid questions, along the lines of, “Are you feeling better? You know throwing up will make you feel better, so why don’t you go do that now.” *eye roll*

I love you, Mother. But I think we do better at a distance, and without daily contact, contrary to your thoughts. This is why sometimes I just let the phone ring. I know youmay never read this as I’d be terribly afraid of your reaction. You would priobably send me incredibly horrid, vile emails but expect me to be overjoyed that you wrote.

Thanks but no thanks. I’ll just type this and then go to play with Doodlebug.

Love,

Your happy daughter